Becoming a mother has changed my views on everything! It's made me aware that society doesn't keep mothers in mind. I say that, because the moment I decided to leave the house with Grayson, I realized a lot of places are not equipped for mothers. For example, I'm not able to fit my cart everywhere, so I can't imagine how the disabled feel. Not every restroom has a changing table, so where am I expected to change his diaper? And why is public breastfeeding not a norm yet? Everyone should be kept in mind when creating an establishment and people should be rooting for mothers who breastfeed because it isn't easy! I just feel as though society is still holding on to the notion that mothers should stay at home.
Continuing on being real here, let me share my time so far as a new mom. Being a mother is like studying for a test, but the material is completely different once you got it down pact. What I mean is, each day is completely different and makes caring for a newborn that much harder. The first week was easy. I kept telling people how lucky I was because he was sleeping so much. But that was a facade! Between being fussy for a reason I couldn't figure out and getting peed on every day, the days felt long. But, like any mother, you overcome and conquer with patience.
I chose to exclusively breastfeed and went in completely nonchalant about it. I knew it was the only form of milk I wanted to provide and was going to do it no matter what. But with that, I didn't know the first thing about breastfeeding. I was lucky that Grayson took to my breast, but only by wearing a nipple shield. You ask what's that? It's a tool for those who have small nipples. Who knew they made such a thing? I'm grateful for the nipple shield as I am resentful. First, I hate that I need it and secondly, when it comes to feeding a HANGRY Grayson, his arms go crazy that he knocks it off. Imagine trying to feed him at night! I need to turn on the lights to guide him and hold his arms down. Breastfeeding is hard as it is.
My real tough days are when Grayson has gas and can't poop. I seriously pray for poops because seeing him miserable is the worst. When he has gas, that means a very fussy baby, late nights and no real sleep. Another thing, that might seem minuscule, is having to cut his nails. I haven't been able to successfully file or cut them. The second time I went to cut his nails I made him bleed! It scared the crap out of me and was a total mom fail. Now I just file them. Even though, at this moment only one of his hands has been successfully filed down. The other hand I'm just hoping his nails don't grow. Not a real solution, but it's better than bleeding.
Overall I think trying to be the best mom, wife, and employee is what makes motherhood hard. Finding balance and time to do everything has been hard for me. I had to start working from home a week after giving birth. I had no real time to adjust with a newborn, let alone how I was going to manage to clean the house and get any work done. I have managed to breastfeed while doing Photoshop, which I find pretty impressive ; ) What I do know, is that I want to do everything I can for Grayson. What I'm still learning is to give myself some slack. I'm a type A person and strive for perfection, so I can't live in a chaos. But, a little chaos can't kill me, right?
